What a year this has been; I feel like I should be turning 30 instead of 28. When I was getting a massage the other day and talking with Diane (the best masseuse I have ever met) and we were just reflecting on the last year and the journeys we have both been on. When I look back at who I was a year ago and where I am now I see so much growth. I feel so different than I did a year ago. This year has brought me many things emotionally, spiritually, physically, and I honestly feel like my childhood is over and I'm a legit adult now. There's no escaping it or tricking myself into thinking "I'm still young." No, I've moved into this space in my life where I make my own happiness and I'm 100% responsible for all of my choices. I can't blame anyone for anything that happens because I call all the shots now. It's liberating, scary, and wonderful.
I think as you grow up you go through all these stages. First your a child - learning and growing and wanting to be on your own so badly and then you hit those teenage years where everything is new and you get your first taste of freedom. You start making your own decisions and learning from them good or bad depending on what path you choose to take. Then you're in your early twenty's. You turn 21 and you can drink legally and walk into any bar you want. Then you have your own apartment and you start really taking care of yourself by paying for more and more things. You move away from depending on your parents and a few years later you graduate college and you get your first real job. Then things like insurance, cars, and toilet paper have to start being paid for and you struggle. It's that time when you really learn to budget - you learn what it takes to actually LIVE your life. Gradually, you get the hang of things and hopefully you start saving and planning and working even harder. Then you wake up one day and realize that you're actually an adult. You have created your own life and you either love it or hate it. I see so many people wish to be young again, to go back to high school and not have responsibilities but I personally have never felt that way. Instead I'm enjoying every moment of "adulthood." I love being married to my best friend, I love being able to pay my bills and still have money left over. I'm so thankful for the opportunity to move across the country and then back again 3 1/2 years later. I'm thankful that this next year will be one where my dreams really do take off. I feel completely grown and not for one moment do I wish to be "young" again.
If I've learned anything in 28 years it's that life is hard work. Relationships come and go and you learn from each one of them. I'm not the same person I was one year ago and I'm happy about that. I finally put away being angry with my younger self - health wise I finally gave up the excuse that it is anyone else fault and instead I now accept that I am the only one in control of my life. I don't depend on my parents at all anymore... if anything it's now me that can help them when the time arises. It's so strange how roles in life can reverse but I think that is the ultimate sign of growing up. I feel like this big revelation would normally be reserved for the big 30th birthday but I just can't help but feel that this is what it would be like. Instead of looking back and determining things I should have by now or should have done I'm just looking forward at what's next in life. I am happy. This year was a really good year...
Aging isn't as scary as I used to think it was. Some years are better than others and I have to say... 27 was a great one. I will take the lessons I learned and keep them with me forever. I promise to keep working hard and to create the life I've always wanted. God really blessed me by giving me the tools to do this - by bringing the right people into my life. Thankfully I've always had my eyes open and waiting for these things... I trust myself and listen to my gut when it tells me "these people are good for you" "these people are bad for you" etc. Make the right choices, pick the right people to surround yourself with, work hard, and watch your life turn into everything you have ever wanted it to be. Oh and give all the Glory to God. He will continuously bless you and guide you forever. I have no delusions about where my blessing come from. I am nothing without him.
I hope to never stop growing... to never stop learning. I plan on making 28 an even better year filled with firsts and lots of love. It's already the best birthday I have ever had. If I cry this year - it will only be tears of joy.
XOXO
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