The 2014 Hater's Guide to William-Sonoma

Every year this list comes out and I just laugh and laugh. I love William-Sonoma but I realize they are crazy bastards. As I told my best friend Nicole last year that I wouldn't mind having the fancy butter making kit she promptly told me how stupid I was.

Hahahahahaha WHY does this store make me want these stupid things!?

This years list did not disappoint. Here are some of my favorites...

HAHAHA I want to meet Drew and make him my best friend. 

Friday Things

Happy Friday! I'm a happy girl today and I'm ready for the weekend. This week has been full of ups and downs but surprisingly I shook it all off and have been enjoying the good news. Well, I guess it's not good news yet but the possibility of GREAT news has me giddy with excitement. I refuse to pay attention to the unexpected $450 bucks I had to shell out for my car on Tuesday... I mean really. Car maintenance = stupid. I could have bought a new purse for that! Anyways, to close out a good week here are a few randomly awesome articles:

1.  ONE SIZE fits Most - What that really looks like on a 6 different women * 

Seriously, I HATE you stores that do this.


2.  10 True Crime Documentaries that will give you nightmares
Because I'm obsessed with Documentaries and serial killers. I've only seen the Paradise Lost ones from this list so now I have 9 new ones to scare myself with!




3.  10 things you DIDN'T know about the VAGINA 

I mean... I only knew one thing from this list!

This makes me calling my period week "Shark Week" even more valid. 

 Now, I want to know who gave it the name because you KNOW it was a MAN.

4.  Impossibly cool gifts you should spend your money on this year. 

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!??!? Someone please spend $275 on a replica of little Olive for me. There is A LOT of cool stuff on that list too - not all 275 bucks either. Check it out!


5.  29 Old People Rocking Highly Inappropriate T-Shirts. 

Okay, I wasn't either and then I Googled it. GROSS! Haha these kinda make me excited to get old. I'm going to wear the most inappropriate t-shirts I can find!

 Have a great weekend!
Oh and lets do a link up!

15 on Friday

1. This kind of stuff always freaks me out... I don't care what the scientific reason is:


(source)

Hundreds of Stingrays found dead on the beach in Mexico.

2. I almost got pooped on by a bird...INSIDE of my car the other day. I was sitting at a red light with my window rolled almost all the way down and my arm sitting right beside it when a bird came out of no where and pooped on my window. It was at the very top of my window and if it had been an INCH of difference it would have been all over my ARM! I was freaking out looking like around like I had been shot... and then I smelled it. OMG. I may never be able to ride with the windows down again.


3. It was Heroin.
 
(source)

4. My husband just yelled at his phone, "BUT WHAT TIME IS IT?!" I asked what in the world he was talking about and and he said that, "Rick Grimes just instagramed a new trailer comes out on July 19th and I need to know what time!" We may have a problem here.

5. We have a new member of the family this week! We are dog sitting for a friend and now poor Tyson has to put up with queen Olive for a week.

 

 

    He makes the craziest faces!!!

6. Did I tell you guys I have been eating salads everyday? This is huge in case I didn't because I just recently started liking salads. Things are really changing around these parts.

7. How many different patterns can one woman wear?

 

(Instagram)

 

 

8. This is all she does... laziest dog alive. 

 

9. Gotta love emoji messages from the husband...

 

Who knows where Tight butt hole comes from!?! Hint: It's not XXX rated.

 

10.  19 Signs you're too old for this crap.

Although, I still love a good dress up party and cupcakes.

#6 Don't even get us started on festivals

 

 

11. THIS ONE is for Paula

 

12. I don't WANT this. I NEED this...

Lies we all say to ourselves.

13. Bethenny Frankel is breaking my heart with out she is ripping up her marriage and trying to cut her daughters father out of her life... Jason was such a good guy. Stop it Bethenny I really want to keep loving you but you're making it hard.

14. Is Lamar REALLY cheating on Khole?!

15.
 

This girl...

Warning: Lots of F words in this one...

Have you guys seen/heard about the Sorority girl RANT yet?! Omg... I just read the email a couple of days ago and I really can't stop laughing. STILL. Like I kinda want to hate her but this shit is so funny I can't even control my giggles. Of course she got kicked out of her sorority but really who cares about being in a sorority anyways. (Sorry to all you girls that live for it but big groups of girls wearing pearls and letters all over them just ain't my thang) Obviously, this one took the Greek system wayyyyy to seriously but you HAVE to love her enthusiasm. Well, unless you're the University of Maryland/Delta Gamma or one of the asswhipes.
Source

(Full article found here) They also changed her name in this BUT I'm a stalker and her real name is Rebecca Martinson. Enjoy:

If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride.
For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been FUCKING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. I've been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so fucking AWKWARD and so fucking BORING. If you're reading this right now and saying to yourself "But oh em gee Julia, I've been having so much fun with my sisters this week!", then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don't have to fucking find you on campus to do it myself.
I do not give a flying fuck, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying fuck, about how much you fucking love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the fucking year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the greek community, and that's not fucking possible if you're going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON'T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR. This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people fucking retarded? That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you don't go to anymore night time events. If Sigma Nu openly said "Yeah we're gonna invite Zeta over", would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn't, so WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN'T be post gaming at other frats, I don't give a FUCK if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that frat. YOU DON'T GO. YOU. DON'T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do fucking NOT convince other girls to leave with you.
"But Julia!", you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, "I've been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn't that count for something?" NO YOU STUPID FUCKING ASS HATS, IT FUCKING DOESN'T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW FUCKING WHY?!! IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN FUCKING UP AT SOBER FUCKING EVENTS TOO. I've not only gotten texts about people being fucking WEIRD at sports (for example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like "durr what's kickball?" is not fucking funny), but I've gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. Fucking. Team. ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!! I don't give a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND? Or are you just so fucking dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the greek community is going to make our matchup happy? Well it's time someone told you, NO ONE FUCKING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR FUCKING MATCHUP. I will fucking cunt punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.
"Ohhh Julia, I'm now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad". Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you're a weird shit that does weird shit during the day, this following message is for you:
DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT'S EVENT.
I'm not fucking kidding. Don't go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I've mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you're unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not fucking awkward than 80 that are fucking faggots. If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I can't talk to boys I'm too sober", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't fucking show up unless you're going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to fucking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight's event, I will tell you to leave even if you're sober. I'm not even kidding. Try me.
And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don't give a fuck. Go fuck yourself.
 

Ahhhh how CRAZY is that girl and cunt punt? REALLY.... might be my new favorite saying.
She reminds me of Regina George... ahh now I have to go watch Mean Girls. Oh, and if that wasn't enough to make you laugh enjoy celebrities reading this email on Funnyordie.com

Michael Shannon Reads the Insane Delta Gamma Sorority Letter from Michael Shannon

The Human Water Bed

Me at every one of my husbands shows...
Talking to my husband mind you. I'd never speak to a waitress like that.

---------------------------

Last night, I went to my favorite class at my gym: Body Works Plus Abs. It should just be called, "Squats, Lunges, Satan, and Abs class" but I guess that might scare some people off. Anyways, I LOVE this class. Every time I go I have to say a little prayer before walking up the steps to our 2nd floor apartment at the end of the night due to the sheer beating my legs, butt, and arms take. Last week we worked out abs so hard I couldn't sit up straight later that night on the couch. IT HURT TO BREATHE! Now, why do I love this class you ask? Because it's freaking fun and super hard. So hard I silently mouth very bad words and sweat like a pig constantly. Some nights, however; I end up feeling like a failure. I'm taking next week off from working out while on vacation (Yes, I know I'm supposed to work out while on vacation but well, I just wasn't raised to believe in such a thing.) and I wanted to have a really good/strong/hard/intense week before. Well, if you honestly want to know how I felt about class last night...


I am bloated, miserable, bitchy, sweaty, tired, and cranky. Have you ever tried to work out while your stomach is bloated? The stupidest thing I've ever done. I literally felt like a human water bed while "attempting" several different cruches. Disgusting.

However, what they say is true... just go do it anyway because I'm pretty proud I got that workout done last night even though I still feel like a human water bed that someone has now beaten.

Just Naturally skinny over here...

The Knight house has been full of fun lately with extreme amounts of time being devoted to working out, hanging out with friends, and spending quality time with the old ball in chain. I'm so happy right now. Life is GOOD and I hope that your's tastes just as sweet as mine does.

However, I do have an example in my life how the world just ISN'T freaking fair. While Haley was here I realized that some people just get lucky and get to be skinny.

No matter what they eat or how little activity that they do.

I give you EXAMPLE A:

I told Haley to bring her workout gear because we WERE going to work out during her 8 day visit. She's getting married next year so she was game and actually brought her gear (that she always has but never uses - she actually told me her life is like that commercial where the mom is wearing yoga pants but in fact never uses them to work out, she just like the style) and I got her to go with me the second day that she was here. In the photo above I show you her pre workout meal. (I had one energy bite for fuel)

The work out featured me getting in a few miles and her walking at 2.0 speed (freaking speedy there) while filling me in on wedding plans. When she went over to one of the weight machines and tried to pull the handle down to work out and then stated, "MAN THIS THING IS BROKE IT WON'T PULL DOWN!" I had to just shake my head and tell her that it wouldn't pull down due to the handles still being in their holder; I knew it was time to go.

Haley had worn her self out.

EXAMPLE B:

Her post workout meal was cookie dough.

Mine was a smoothie.

Life is just NOT FAIR.

------------------------------------------

Do you have one of those friends that is just hot and skinny while only eating corn dogs, cookie dough, and chips?

Is her name Haley too?

WTF?! Nickelback!

After being sick all weekend in the most disturbing of ways I am finally feeling back to normal. In short I had the WORST period of my life. WTF?! Ovaries I think they were literally trying to kill me and make sure that I realize I am not ready to go through child birth any time soon.

(I don’t understand how in the HELL do you WOMEN do THAT?) 

 Monday I started eating right again (like really right – how I was eating when I lost weight before) and so far that’s been going great! I’ve been using the MyFitnessPal AP to keep up with calories and workouts (I’ve been honest) and I feel better…other than one thing… WTF is the deal with when you eat healthy you are always hungry!? I seriously eat 7 small meals a day …snacking on carrots, bananas, apples, etc all day long. My meals are well rounded but because they are so healthy they never keep me full for long. When I think about it I guess that is the way it is supposed to be and I get lazy with having to eat all the time that I like eating less times and feeling fuller… but that just doesn’t work for me when trying to lose weight and leads me to eating a shit ton at night - which is a big No No.

I love bananas and peanut butter!

I also have realized something else about myself this past week. I can’t complete long term goals. I suck at life and I don’t know WTF my problem is but its just the TRUTH and I’ve got to admit it. Remember my 28 day Challenge? Well that turned into a 16 day accomplishment. I got sick and got bored with it but it did teach me a lesson: I can do two week goals and that’s what I’m going to start doing instead of beating myself up about never accomplishing a bigger task. I will celebrate small victories. I am going to start up another 14 day challenge this Saturday too – I’ll explain later… 

 Last night was Taco Tuesday at the bar and CK and some of our friends decided it was time to feast on $1 tacos and cold beer. I actually went to the gym before we went to the bar and I ended up wearing my workout crops tucked into my Uggs with no shame. I was paranoid I stunk but no one said anything…so unless they are all just being nice I think the 40oz of body splash I put on worked. You’re probably wondering, “Terri where is the WTF moment” well, here it goes. I ended up making some new friends at the bar that wanted me to help them pick out songs on the Jukebox player thing and then they proceeded to put $20.00 in the damn thing. WTF?! $20.00 do you know how many credits that was?! I helped “L” as we will call her for about 15 minutes choosing different songs… but there were issues. She’s trashed and I’m trying to figure out what songs she wants me to play because she paid for it after all but then she said she hates Reggae and Jazz music and her favorite is Nickelback.

WTF?! NICKELBACK.

hahah Thank you Google.

 Shoot me in the GD face please. I let her play 3 stupid Nickelback songs then she bounced off with 11 credits still in the damn machine. I ended up picking all reggae and some new Madonna with the rest while thinking the whole time, “how do I get myself in these situations?” I am too damn nice. After I rejoined my group they all were laughing because they heard me say, “Nickelback?! Omg you’re Crazy” to the girl and then the Nickelback song Came on and L and her date started dancing to it. I’m sorry… I know I’m a bitch but WTF?! Kill me. 

Then this morning I came into work dressed up in heels and a skirt (normally I wear jeans and boots) because all my jeans are dirty and the one pair that is clean is freshly washed and I just didn’t feel like getting in them when they are super tight then take 5 mins to stretch them out and get them comfy… It was just not appealing at all after last night.

Instead, since it is warmer outside I am breaking out my nice skirts and heels to which shocked the guys I work with this morning into both of them looking at me confused, one saying I looked hot and the other saying, “That’s what’s wrong with all you southern girls never wearing any pants…getting in trouble”  WTF?! First off both of them are like brothers so it’s all in good fun and I absolutely love them but seriously I almost pee’d in my pants when he said that about “southern girls” I simply told him in the south it is just TOO DAMN HOT to wear pants much less anything else. Ever.

CK also bought these little suckers from Target the other day:

WTF!? Why have I never tired these before?

Dude Japanese/Chinese candy is where it is at! Go get you some YanYans Right now... its like cracker stick and icing but different.. I can't explain it just go. GO.

Oh, and just ONE more Nickelback picture.... hehe

lol Sorry if any of you like Nickelback... but you know it's still funny.

Children (Fiction)

Children are little things that come from magic.

I'm a Christan so I believe that this only occurs because God wants it to.

No, that doesn't mean I'm a Dugger.

I fully and whole hearted support every form of birth control.

 and use several of them

With this being said No Magic will be happening in my belly anytime soon!

However, I tend to worry every single month that I'm going to accidentally get preggers.

While it wouldn't be the END of my world because

1. I'm married

2. I'm an adult

3. My husband and I both have good jobs

 But we are just not ready yet.

So, every month I'm freaking out for a few days thinking...oh my God when is the last time I drank?, when was my period?, where will they go to school?, etc. It's ridiculous and CK usually ignores me but I end up making him scared at least once because I get mad that he's not taking me seriously.

I pray and pray that I'm not pregnant.

And then when that magical moment happens and my aunt comes to town the balance in life has been RESTORED!

--------------------------------------------------------

Then I start to think about what one of my friends once told me....

"Terri, I'm trying to get pregnant now and dude, I think all those times I prayed and prayed not to get pregnant are keeping me from getting knocked up now"

Hahahah, it's okay to laugh at that people she was laughing and that my friend is the funniest thing I think she has ever told me. Surely that logic can't be correct...or let's hope not!

*To our families that read this this was a blog of pure fiction, none of it true. Please don't call us freaking out. No babies for 5 Years!*

Facebook Gossip

I'm trying to upload pictures from my phone but it's being a bitch.

So, as I sullenly gazing at my Pinterest I came across this Jewel

Hahhaha

I love this and Amanda I LOVE that you pinned it hahaha!



I'm Obsessed...

I am completely OBSESSED

with Colored Blazers!

 

 

Now, this is also a game... Find the one that was only married 72 days!

Ready Go!

 

 

 

I've got Haute Hair.

First things first: I just love getting funny things on my FB. Especially when they are about my blog...

Yesterday was one of those days I have been needing for awhile...complete pamper/relaxation time.

I finally found a salon that I was going to give a try (a Paul Mitchell Focus salon because I just Love me some PM) Haute Philosophy Salon in downtown Kirkland. Let me just say that this is my new favorite place in Kirkland! I walked in the door and was greeted with a beautiful salon, the offer of cookies and espresso, and the nicest people I have ever encountered at a salon! Sometimes I've noticed that salons can be a little "stuck up" but not here I was immediately welcomed like family. I had some issues with finding a parking spot and as most know parking is hell downtown and I was a little worried my car might get towed because I parked it at Wing Dome. So, the first thing I asked the floor manager was about my car he immediately told me, "don't worry about it I will keep my eye out for parking in front of the store and if you're okay with it I'll go get your car and move it in about an hour so you won't get towed or ticketed." Seriously? That is amazing...who else provides that kind of service?! (About an hour later he did move my car for me and it was parked right in front of their front door when I was finished- Amazing!) To make a long story short I ended up meeting a girl that has just moved here from Mobile, AL (Hello, friend from the south!) and we talked about all the food we missed from the south, then the girl who did my hair is actually the owner of the shop with her husband being the floor manager (they just opened the salon 4 months ago), and then another girl that works at the salon that just moved up from Phoenix that has the prettiest tattoos I've ever seen! After 3.5 hours with all these ladies we all added each other on FB and I plan to keep in touch with all of them. It is so fun to go somewhere and meet new friends when you didn't even expect it! But back to the salon, if you are in the Seattle area you and are looking for somewhere to get your hair done GO to Haute Philosophy Salon! They are very affordable and extremely amazing! I say with happiness that I have found my new salon and CK will be going there as well. PS. Tell them Terri sent ya! 

I got black foiled into my hair and all on the underside to bring back my dark hair that I have been missing for over a year! I am soooo in love with it!

This is what Haley and CK got in their Inbox.

Now it's time to get serious.

I’ve been working out I swear even though I haven’t been talking about it on here.

 Mostly I am trying to get in 10 miles a week to meet my over 500 miles a year goal running. (Yes, this may be low and easy to some but it’s my starter goal that hopefully I can blow out of the water!) I’m pretty much on par with this goal right now and I have been getting to the gym 3-4 times a week. I’ve noticed though that since we have moved I haven’t been running as much and I have been more so on the Cross Ramp. I LOVE that machine but I think I push myself harder (and lose more weight) when I run so I am getting back to running/walking/jogging/crawling. I also have been wanting to do some other things to work on my core and become more well rounded in my workouts. I’ve been thinking for awhile now what works best for “me” and what motivates “me” and I think I have the answer or at least this is what I am going to try starting yesterday: 

1st  Week: 100 Crunches a day (whatever kind I want to do)

 2nd  Week:  50 Squats a day

3rd Week: 200 Pull the Wheat’s a day

4th  Week: 10 x 1 min Plank’s a day

Plus 45 Minutes of Cardio at least 4 times a week. ½ running ½ Cross Ramp You may be wondering WTH does all that mean Terri? Okay, let me explain… I want to do something “simple” or “excuse free” every single day that only takes around 10 mins. This means even if I’ve been vomiting I can still do it kinda things. I didn’t want them to take a super long time or be super difficult so that I couldn’t easily talk myself out of it. I was thinking, “what do I want to get rid of/work on the most body part wise” Stomach was the first thing then thighs come next. I’d really like to swear skinny jeans and not look like I just filled 2 sausage casings ya know!? So, after much thinking (10 mins or so) I came up with an Idea…. I shall do 100 crunches every day for the first 7 days, then the next 50 squats for 7 days, then 200 pull the wheat’s (basically where you bend from side to side working your love handles off!) for 7 days, then the last 7 days do (10) 1 min plank holds. This is 28 days straight…. I CAN DO THIS! I might even treat myself to a week break before starting back again if I like it. I’m not sure, I just really want to get through the first cycle and stick to it. Not included in these daily “small” activities will be at least 4 days in the gym doing 45mins of cardio at a time (and probably my arm exercises sometimes).

Like I said earlier I really want to get back to running so I am going to make myself do half and half between the cross ramp and treadmill. I did the mill Thursday night for 37 mins and I could feel it everywhere the next day …I want to keep messing with my body to feel that sore every day and I think with this 28 days I can maybe really accomplish something. I’ll try and post once a week on my workout habits throughout this process and yes, I know that you’re supposed to take rest days and not work out the same body parts multiple days in a row but I don’t care! I’m trying something out here people and Hopefully it works!  Also, I’ll be trying to do the same good eating habits such as smoothies for lunch, high protein and veggies for supper, and only whole grains. Staying away from Pizza and Chocolate is the hardest part! I’ve had a major sweet tooth lately and I’ve got to get it under control! I’ve been doing amazing in the controlling the pizza department. I “gave up” store/restaurant pizza for Lent. No, I’m not Catholic but it’s easier for me to do these things when I have a start and end date. The only exception to this is homemade pizza which is healthier and only on the weekends. So far so good, only 4 more weeks to go! Well, that’s what has been going on in my food/exercise world.  Any tips/advice/encouragement/hate you’d like to share please leave below!

But then this happened late last night and it is ALL CK's Fault!!!!

Luckily I swear to God HE ate 85% of this box.

All that was only $3 at Freddy late last night....damn you fresh baked goods.

(I did take that missing bite...oops)

Sh*t they post on Facebook! Part 2

You may remember a post from awhile ago where I take screen shots of my facebook when my friends say or put funny stuff on there... well guys...it's about that time to crack up again:

I've got to stop doing that.

Haha I love you guys.

And then something odd starting happening yesterday... all of my friends back home in Mississippi started posting pictures of brooms standing up on there own. I mean really guys? This was like 30 people - all I saw were brooms standing up on there own all over my Facebook wall for an entire day. Why is this so amazing? I think it must be a southern thing because our friend Kyle said that his friends back in Tennessee were posting the same thing! The broom epidemic hasn't hit up here yet.... I don't have a broom but my vaccume stands up on its own. I call that Amazing.



These were only a few shots...

and then this one out did himself today hahahahaha

hahahah I'm with you man. I'm totally with you.

Magic.

Be honest...are you going to try and stand your broom up by itself now?